


It's Not a Straw

by Matteoarts



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Cute, Emergency Induction Port, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Humor, Romance, Tali is a huge dork, matteoarts, straw - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matteoarts/pseuds/Matteoarts
Summary: Tali attempts to explain the difference between a straw and an emergency induction port to Shepard.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50
Collections: Mass Effect





	It's Not a Straw

“So … do you understand the difference now?”

Tali watched Shepard’s face for some kind of sign, _any_ sign at all, that he understood. But the man stared back at her blankly for several seconds, completely unmoving, before finally blinking and emitting a tired sigh. “I think I might need you to go over it one more time.”

If this wasn’t the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she’d have slapped him upside the head. She was _still_ tempted to in spite of that. But instead, she just groaned and prepared to explain this a _third_ time.

“Okay; listen _carefully_ you bosh’tet.”

Lifting both of her hands up, she showed Shepard the object in each one; in her left was what he called a straw, a neon-green ‘bendy’ one that she’d pulled from the Normandy’s kitchen. And in her right was the emergency induction port, a straight metallic tube with a hole on each end. She showed the latter to him first.

“An emergency induction port was first designed for use amongst quarians who were in need of fluids without clean rooms,” she explained. “Like when we’re injured, or dehydrated. We originally had the idea from another tool of the same name that we use to remove oil out of clogged parts on our ships. The induction port is hollow, and allows the free transportation of liquid from one end to the other. While hospitals are usually sterile enough for other species, we quarians are far more sensitive to contaminants and liable to infections.”

“Right,” Shepard agreed, with her thus far. His expression was one of careful thought and consideration—he was _really_ trying to understand this.

She continued, satisfied with his attentiveness. “Instead of using an IV needle, quarians usually carry one of these on them in the event that they wind up in a hospital or situation where proper tools may not be available to heal themselves. This end here fits into a slot on the front of our helmets; it forms a vacuum-tight seal to protect the inside from foreign bacteria, and can be used to introduce liquids from outside the suit directly into our mouths. It’s not as efficient as intravenous treatment, but it’s safer for us.”

Shepard was silent, giving no visible reaction. She took this to mean that he was concentrating, and she decided to press on. Holding up her left hand, she showed him the bendy straw.

“And _this_ is a straw. It is a silly, stupid-looking thing that other species use to make drinking more entertaining,” she told him flatly. “it comes in a wide variety of shapes, materials, and colors for no purpose other than to the amusement of the consumers who buy them. Some people use them to drink because they think it makes them look more proper, some use them because it’s fun, and some just prefer to drink with a straw rather than from the cup itself.”

Tali retracted her hands and let them fall back down to her sides. “Now, do you understand the differences between the two?”

She had watched Shepard face various enemies throughout the years, and he wasn’t one to stand down easily. She’d been with him at the Citadel Tower when they’d fought Saren, and he’d fought the turian with unwavering resolve. She’d been with him when they’d fought the human-reaper, his stoic expression never once breaking in the presence of such an abomination. She’d seen him take on hundreds of mercenaries, geth, and husks without breaking his stride or stumbling.

And yet, it was her question that caused a brief moment of fear to flit across his face.

He was quiet for half a minute or so, silently contemplating her query, and she was beginning to worry that she was going to have to actually slap him upside the head for him to understand this. But then his eyes widened, and he smirked. She knew it as the face he made when he’d finally cornered his target.

“Alright, Tali. I think I get it now. You mind if I recap the basics?”

She sighed happily, and nodded. “Sure, so long as this issue’s behind us.”

He pointed at the induction port. “To put it in absolute layman’s terms, the ultimate purpose of the induction port is to transfer liquid into the mouth of the user via suction.”

“Right.”

Then he pointed at the straw. “And, in the most basic terms, the straw is designed to transfer liquid into the mouth of the user via suction.”

“Yes, that’s—“

She realized what he was getting at. Though he couldn’t see it, her eyes widened behind the mask of her helmet, and she looked down at the two devices in her hand, holding one up and examining it before doing the same to the other, searching for anything that would disprove the sudden conclusion she’d come to. After a few moments of this, she looked at Shepard.

“Keelah, it’s a straw.”

Smiling, he walked over to Tali and put his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. “Yes, but you can still call it an emergency induction port if you want.”

She said nothing for a few moments, pondering the ramifications that this world-shattering revelation was going to have on her life and perspective of the world as a whole. Then, she lifted the green bendy-straw up in front of Shepard.

“Can I keep this one?”

“Sure, Tali.”

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was chosen for me to write via the monthly poll on my Patreon page! If you'd like more stuff like this, feel free to check out www.patreon.com/Matteoarts and become a patron to earn rewards like access to monthly polls, discord benefits, and exclusive writing posts! I'm also open to commissions, so hit me up if you're looking for someone of my talents!


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